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23 January 2012 @ 04:11 pm
That awkward moment...  

When you realize that you have been completely wrong about a person all along.

I stumbled upon a blog that was written by someone I know. I don't think it was ever his intention for me, or anyone other than his close friends and family to read. Heck, who knows, maybe he didn't want anyone to read it. But regardless, I came upon it, surprised, and debated for a while on whether or not I should read it. I didn't expect that he would have written anything inapropriate in it, which he did not, but I had a feeling that it is personal, and not something he would have voluntarily shared with me. Ultimately, curiousity took over my better judgement and I read it. I mean, it's on the internet for everyone to see, I wasn't being shady. But by the time I was done reading it, I practically had tears in my eyes. I feel somewhat guilty about it, because I feel like I now have a piece of his personal life that he has no idea I know about. I'm not going to share anything I read, because that's terribly insensitive and not any of my busienss, or yours for that matter, but it did lead me to realize a few things.

One, being that you never know who is reading your blog. You never know who, out there in the vast internet is reading your deepest thoughts, so always be aware of this when you are posting publicly. I battle with this all the time. Trying to determine whether or not to make my accounts private, or friends only. I think that it's restrictive to those who I would genuinely want to read my thoughts, but also a save harbour for those I do not wish to be a part of my brain. I guess the important thing is that you have to be careful with what you write. I try the best I can to keep in mind what I would think or feel if the most critical person I knew read my journal. I write in a way that I would not be embarassed or ashamed. I have nothing to hide, if I don't write about things that are private. (although, I surely hope that none of my employers notice the time stamp on when these are posted)

The second thing it made me realize is that most of the time, people will only show you what they want you to see. We have the ability to present ourselves in whatever image we would like when we meet someone. Sometimes, the person we identify ourselves as changes based on our audience. It's easy to make judgements on people based on what you know about them, when it's likely that is only a small portion of who they are. The person you are around your coworkers is not the same person you are around your family. Or maybe it is, for some. Not saying that people are two faced, or have multiple identities, just that we limit what we share about ourselves based on our environment. I'm obvioulsy going to be more willing to open up about personal relationships and my feelings with a friend, than I would be with a co-worker, or an accquaintence. For example, I am more likely to discuss my emotions with a past boyfriend than with a current one. Even if that past boyfriend hurt me. That person already knows me, and has seen my flaws undoubtedly. I stand nothing to lose with that person. It's just who I am. It doesn't mean I value the current boyfriend any less. (this is totally hypothetical, I have no current boyfriend) I digress terribly. The point I am trying to make is that we arrogantly go about our lives thinking we know so much about the people we are surrounded by, when in reality, we don't. We only know what that person wants us to know about them.

I have spent a lot of time making this person out to be cold and insensitive, and someone who doesn't care about anything and now, with this bit of journalistic insight, I realized that I am wrong. He is a very caring person with emotions so strong that it's no wonder he hides them. Strangely, by learning that I know nothing about him at all, I feel so much closer to him than I did when I thought I had him figured out. Humanity is funny like that.

Jordansnowsurfer281 on January 25th, 2012 07:07 pm (UTC)
wow...you still use this...i'm thinking i'm gonna start again too...
Paula Lovecutsutureclose on January 27th, 2012 03:03 pm (UTC)
I haven't been using it for a while. I think I stopped writing back in 2010 some time, but I have since started again (as of the new year)