Today is one of those days where I feel like I really couldn't catch a break if my well-being depended on it. Ironically, it sort of does. Money sucks. To those people who say that money doesn't buy happiness, they clearly had too much of it. Money may not buy happiness specifically, but I feel it would give peace of mind, which for me personally, is happiness. I would like for once to not have to stress and worry about how I am going to pay my bills every month. I work extremely hard, going to school part time, paying for school myself, working full time, and supporting myself 100%. I have medical bills out the ass, and I have rent, car payment, utilities. I'm not saying I'm special, nor am I comparing my situation to anyone elses. I'm saying that it just plain sucks. And there are days that it hits all at once.
Earlier this week I had to drive to North Carolina for a doctor's appointment. My car is in rough shape, and I cannot afford to get all the work done on it that it needs currently. My mom suggested I rent a car to drive to the hospital for the day, since it's a 4 hour drive there and a 4 hour drive back, and there are mountains and old country roads involved. Not exactly the place you want to break down if your car is unreliable. So I agreed. Looked into it, and it was going to cost about $70 to rent a car for the day. I can deal with that. So I get my quote, reserve my car, and go to pick it up at Enterprise. They tell me that it will come to $67 and change for the rental. Then they tell me that they have to charge an additional $100 to my debit card as a "hold" because I was paying with a debit card and not a credit card. I don't really have a choice at this point, but there was only enough money in my bank account to cover the car. So he assures me that it is a hold, and not a charge, and that because it will only be pending, and it will never clear my account for the full $100, that I won't be assesed any over draft penalties from my bank. I didn't exactly believe him, but I really didn't have a choice at the time. Luckily, I had cash for gas and parking because it tied up every penny in my bank account. I was frustrated. but again, there wasn't really anything I could do at the time, so I tried to forget about it and not let it make me sick worrying about it. Well, that was Tuesday. I have been checking my account every day since I returned the car, and the $167 charge is still on my account as pending. It "cleared" today and $167 was charged to my account, and I received a $36 over draft fee from my bank. Enterprise *also* charged the actual cost for the car rental which was $80, today. So now there is the original $167, and the $80 both on my account, both giving me over draft fees.
I could honestly just cry right now. On top of that, I got a bill from my dentist for the cleaning and filling I had done earlier this month. They billed my insurance, and I apparently haven't met my deductible for the year yet, which is amazing to me, considering all the dental, orthodontic, and oral surgery I have had over this plan year. So I am being billed $109 which is due February 9th. It frustrates me that the dentist sends me a bill dated January 25th, and it's due Feb 9th. 15 days. That is all they give you to pay this? I guess you should anticipate the bill and have the money available at the time of service, but how are you supposed to know what your insurnace will or will not pay? I can't get that money together in one pay period. I will have to call them, and see if I can make a payment plan, but most places are not very acommodating and it just adds to my anxiety. It's hard enough to be able to support myself and pay my bills with the income I have. I can't take on a second job because I am barely healthy enough to do the one that I have. I don't make enough money in the job I am in, but the health insurance and benefits are far better than I will ever get anywhere else. I'm kind of stuck. I am tired of living paycheck to paycheck, but how do you save when there isn't a dime left after your bills each month? What am I supposed to do? I just get sicker and sicker from the stress of not being able to afford to live. And I can get by ok as long as there are no unexpected expenses, but with Emergency Room visits, and doctors, and other things, there is no way to plan for everything. I don't have cable, I don't have luxuries, I don't have anything more than what is necessary. I don't know what to do. And I know this is the question that millions of people my age are asking, but serioulsy, can't it be a little easier?
So I was up til midnight last night digging through coat pockets and change jars and trying to get together as much money as possible so I can take it to coinstar today. I need to get my prescription refilled but the copay is $50 and I don't have that right now. This is the second week in a row, going on the 3rd week that I have not taken my shots because I don't have the money for them. I signed up for a support program through the pharmeceutical company to get my prescriptions reduced, but what I really need is for them to be free. I just don't know what to do anymore. But, I wake up in the morning and I can't walk, and it's only getting worse. And everyone just yells at me for not taking my medicine like it was a choice I made for fun. It's not like I cant afford my prescription because I spent the money elsewhere.
I really just need life to cut me a break...