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16 February 2012 @ 04:07 pm
I only want it to begin  
So, I'm sure most are familiar with the idea that good things happen when you least expect them, and that you meet the person of your dreams as soon as you stop looking? I had never bought much stock in those types of sayings until now. I am a believer.

Oer the past 2 years of being single, I have really turned away just about every opportunity I had to meet someone new. Whether I realized it or not, I was not ready emotionally to be open to the idea of love. I had been hurt enough that my defenses took over and I built a wall. Just recently I decided to start dating again. I immediately began to regret this decision.

At the beginning of December, I started talking to a guy, who I had known for a while and was recently going through a divorce/seperation from his wife. We started talking more as friends and then began hanging out with the potential for more. I had already decided that I was not going to pursue anything more than friendship with him until after March when their divorce was final, because that's not the kind of girl I am. And things were going ok for a while. To make a long and ridiculous story short, I decided he was way too overwhelming and that I was not interested. He texted me many, many times a day to ask if I was thinking about him and that's just not how I roll. I am the opposite of needy and have no patience for that type of insecuriries in other people. Maybe I am harsh, but I felt like this was not going to end up well so why waste any more time. He also was not pleased with my decision to not have sex with him while he was still legally married. It's a matter of principle. And my feeling is that if you can't wait 3 months until you're no longer married to have sex with someone else, then maybe you're not emotionally ready for a relationship. Sounds to me like you just want to get it in. So I kind of stopped talking to him. THEN I find out that the reason he and his wife were splitting was because he had an affair....with a man. So, I guess I dodged a bullet there.

I had decided that this was a perfect example of why I wasn't open to dating. But a friend of mine pleaded with me for one last shot. She had offered to set me up with a friend of her and her fiance's who was recently single. I had seen him at her housewarming party and thought he was cute, so I agreed. We ended up having lunch on a Sunday. we met at 12:30 at the cafe and were there until 5pm talking. I knew immediately that I made the right decision. That was almost 4 weeks ago, and we've been together ever since. We've spent almost all of our free time together and I can't tell you a time where I was happier than I am right now. He is incredible. We're so compatible, he makes me laugh, and I lay awake in bed at night staring at the ceiling with a stupid grin on my face, thinking of all the things I want to do and places I want to go with him. For those of you who know me well, will understand why this is such a big deal. I don't fall in love easily (I'm not saying I'm in love, it has only been 4 weeks) and I don't let people in. I am a fairly closed off person and I don't like to get close to people because I am always afraid they are going to hurt me. Even with Matt, after 8 years, I kept him at a perfect distance where I was certain not to get hurt too badly. This is new. This is a terrifying and amazing feeling. I want to see him, and be around him all the time.

I could probably write a novel right now about how amazing I feel, and all the wonderful things about Jacob, but they wouldn't be enough. Thanks everyone for bearing with me through this silly romantical post. I wanted some place to document this so I can look back on it and remember when the next chapter of my life began.