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06 July 2012 @ 01:18 pm
Balance  
I'll start this post by saying that I am at work, killing time between phone calls. So if my train of thought seems to meander, it's probably because I got interrupted with actual work that I am supposed to be doing. Let's see, where to begin.

Work: My job is growing ever so tiring. I have become really unhappy here. I love what I do, but I don't care for the people or the general attitude in the office. I don't like how corrupt our managers are and I have been told multiple times by my supervisor to bend the rules, only to then get chewed out for it later on while he stands idly by, not standing up for me or saying a word. The rest of my coworkers are nice if you take them at face value, but most of them are horrid gossips. I can tolerate your run of the mill gossiper if it's just because they feel the need to know everything, but some of these people are gossiping with malicious intent. I don't want any part of it. I shouldn't have to come to work and have such a negative vibe surrounding me all the time. The way we do business is also very frustrating. There is a good way to do it, and an average way to do it, and we go out of our way to do it poorly with the most complications possible. It's really made me become quite jaded as far as technology in higher education is concerned. I used to be inspired by new technology and that's been what has driven my passion for this field of work. Now I find myself saying "Why bother finding out about the newest and coolest solutions, we'll never use them here." I hate that I have become so cynical so early in my career. Something needs to change. I applied for a new job today. Here at the university, but in a different department. The title of the job is "Technology Manager" which is pretty vague, but seems like something I can handle from the job description. It's double what I make now in salary, so that's an added bonus.

School: As a result of the attitude I have acquired from my work, I have become somewhat lazy in my studies. I did poorly last semester, which was a big blow to my ego. I have always been a good student (when I try) typically getting A's and B's. I won't tell you what I got in these classes, but I'll be retaking one of them at least. Partially it was my own fault for exceeding what I knew I was capable of. I had originally planned to take the Spring semester off following a bad RA spell in early January. I felt a bit better by March and decided to snag a few second 8 week classes. I decided to take them both online, and one of them was an economics class. It was simply too much work, in too short of a time frame and I fell behind early on and got discouraged and gave up. So I took the summer off, and I am collecting my thoughts and energy and hoping that I can go into Fall full speed and have a successful semester. I need to bring my GPA back up, as well as reignite the fire under my butt. I just want to be inspired by learning again. Or really be inspired by anything. I think a new job might shake things up and cause me to have a renewed excitement for technology which could help my grades.

Love: I am going to go as far as saying that it has become just that, love. This past weekend we celebrated our 5th month anniversary (we didn't actually celebrate, because it's 5 months and that would be weird) but we went to New York for vacation and visited my family members and friends. Our anniversary just happened to end up falling on the day we were driving to Syracuse. For my anniversary present, he offered to drive 6 hours and me only drive one. He also bought me a fancy dinner through the drive thru at McDonalds. I am easy to please. We had a great time with my mom and everyone seemed to love Jacob. He seemed a bit overwhelmed most of the time, but he assures me he had a really enjoyable time. Overall, things are going remarkably well for us. I am shocked, because I have never had a relationship that felt this right, or this easy. We work at it, it doesn't have everything to do with fate. But we both have always been honest with each other and we talk about everything that comes up immediately. We have had one contentious week, but moved past it very easily. I think we were both just getting scared. But the bottom line is that he is good to me, and he makes me laugh, and I can't imagine him not being in my life. I call that love.

Overall, things are good. I still feel an imbalance in my life that I need to resolve before I can feel completely blissful. I am very happy in certain areas of my life, and very unhappy in others. I have a few friendships I feel are falling apart and I don't know what to do to save them. As I mentioned before, I am unhappy with work. Money is a constant stressor in my life. All of the stressful things cause my health to deteriorate and that takes a hardship on my job, and my relationships. It's all a domino effect really. Which is why it's crucial for me to have peace in my life all around. That's what I will be working on over the next few months.